Men's Mental Health
When talking with men and their mental health issues, one of the things I hear quite often is, "My dad yelled at me whenever I cried," or something somewhat similar. While I believe parents typically do their best to be the best parents they can be, this is an excellent example of how mental illnesses such as anxiety and depression pass down generationally and why the term "generational trauma" has been on the rise recently as research continues to be conducted and published on the topic. However, without a proper understanding of the data and adequate application of the information, no amount of research will help someone stuck in the confusion of being verbally or even physically abused simply for expressing hurt and pain. Because of this, we now have an epidemic issue of (primarily) men unable to process complex emotions.
Defining the Problem
One of the most common stigmas regarding men's mental health in Western culture can be explained with a classic logical structure. A) Men must be strong and avoid weakness. B) Emotions are a form of weakness. Therefore, C) Men should not display emotions.** The biggest problem with this is relatively quite simple: it's not really possible. Emotions are as much part of the human experience as leaves are on a thriving tree. When they're missing, something is wrong (or it's just winter, but keep in mind that this is a metaphor). When the emotions appear to go missing, it's like when a car starts to shake due to a problem, such as unbalanced tires. While the vehicle might still go, it just… doesn't go quite right. Additionally, this might lead to other damages, escalating the problem entirely.
**Footnote: In the first few chapters of "Pragmatics of Communication" by Watzlawick, Jackson, and Bavelas, they describe how communication cannot be avoided. Choosing not to communicate is actually to communicating that one wants to communicate as little information as possible. Similarly, given a choice between water, tea, or coffee and then deciding not to choose any of those options is simply choosing an unstated option: nothing or something else. Because emotions are also a form of communication, someone who might be considered cold or emotionless is still communicating some kind of emotion. That emotion might have a name, such as apathy, or perhaps there is no English word to describe said emotion properly. This book is an excellent, albeit difficult, read for those wanting to explore some of the epistemological foundations of communication and language.
Social or Biological?
This is a classic question that can be applied to almost everything in any medical, mental health, and sociological field, and experts continue to debate it to this day. While it is safe to say that it is a good mix of both, the example above shows that sometimes it does not particularly matter. Something generational means that a pattern has developed for decades. Likewise, it will not just disappear overnight, whether or not the problem has been created due to nature or nurture. The only difference is the approach to treatment. One might compare it to someone who has a fever due to a virus and someone else who has a fever due to bacteria. While the symptoms and specific basic treatments, such as rest and fluid intake, might be similar, other treatment modalities, such as types of medication, could be vastly different.
What can we do about it?
There's lots we can do about it! While men deserve the same opportunities for support and emotional processing as everyone else, it's also essential to know our responsibilities and capabilities in helping. If you have a male friend who is struggling, it's probably not your place to be their therapist. But, as a friend, you do have a responsibility to perhaps encourage them to find one and maybe help them with the process. If they do start, you can ask them how it's going and what they've learned. That said, if you are a guy reading this, make sure that if you are asked, you don't emotionally unload in response. Odds are that whoever is asking you is making sure that therapy is helpful as opposed to trying to talk through and help you with your problems. It can be exhausting to discuss issues frequently, so make sure you are taking care of each other.
Another thing we can do is be positive about men's mental health in regards to public opinion. Simply being a human is quite difficult, and men and women both struggle with their problems, including those that are gender-related as well as those that aren't. That said, it is vital to ensure that people know they are cared for, including places like social media.
Lastly, be sure to take care of yourself. Mental health (and physical health, for that matter) is similar to the oxygen masks deployed on an airplane when there is a problem. If you know the safety speech, you are supposed to make sure you have your own mask before helping others. While this can come across as somewhat selfish at a glance, it is quite the opposite. How are you supposed to help your unconscious neighbors put on their masks when you have gone unconscious in the process because you neglected yourself? If you are healthy, you will consequently be able to help those around you even better.
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At Sharp Wellness, we know life can be hard. This is why we have locations in Birmingham, AL, and Mckinney, TX to help you with whatever issues you may be facing. Our therapists also offer a variety of therapy services to support you and your family. We offer trauma therapy, teen and adolescent therapy, individual counseling, marriage counseling, family counseling, LGBTQIA+ affirming therapy, EDMR Therapy, and Group Therapy.
